10 Years

Ten years ago today was a Sunday.  My baby was just 5 months old and my eldest child was 2years 3 months old.  Mum had had a difficult weekend.  She had visited the ER of our local hospital that Friday.  She was there for over six hours without any answers.  Thinking back I am unsure if a doc even saw her.  She was told to call her primary and make a follow up with them for a stress test.  That Monday the doctors office was closed as it was Martin Luther King day.  Ten years ago today I went over to Mum's with 'n' in her baby carrier.  Mum looked ok.  We had a nice visit.  I remember she was wearing her Hanes gray sweatshirt and sweatpants.  I have them in my pajama draw.  They used to smell like her.  If I had know that that was my last visit with my Mum I wonder if I would have done things differently?  Would I have asked her questions?  asked advise? or just spent more time? I wish I could remember the details of that visit but they escape me, probably because it was just a typical visit.  I remember she sat in her wicker chair and I sat on the couch.  Dad milled about.  That's all I remember.  The next day my life changed forever.  I'm really feeling sad today, missing her so very much.  I'm not sure why today is so hard, but it is hard.  I wish I could hug her one more time and that she could spend time with my children.  I know she would be so proud.  I know she is in a better place, but that doesn't make it any easier.  That's all.

Peace!