Ten years ago today was a Sunday. My baby was just 5 months old and my eldest child was 2years 3 months old. Mum had had a difficult weekend. She had visited the ER of our local hospital that Friday. She was there for over six hours without any answers. Thinking back I am unsure if a doc even saw her. She was told to call her primary and make a follow up with them for a stress test. That Monday the doctors office was closed as it was Martin Luther King day. Ten years ago today I went over to Mum's with 'n' in her baby carrier. Mum looked ok. We had a nice visit. I remember she was wearing her Hanes gray sweatshirt and sweatpants. I have them in my pajama draw. They used to smell like her. If I had know that that was my last visit with my Mum I wonder if I would have done things differently? Would I have asked her questions? asked advise? or just spent more time? I wish I could remember the details of that visit but they escape me, probably because it was just a typical visit. I remember she sat in her wicker chair and I sat on the couch. Dad milled about. That's all I remember. The next day my life changed forever. I'm really feeling sad today, missing her so very much. I'm not sure why today is so hard, but it is hard. I wish I could hug her one more time and that she could spend time with my children. I know she would be so proud. I know she is in a better place, but that doesn't make it any easier. That's all.