Monday, January 2, 2012

House of Cards

So this song sums up how I'm feeling right about now.  I feel like I'm perched atop a house of cards holding onto all my hopes and dreams.  I'm grasping onto them with all my might but I feel like they could slip away in an instant.  I see the cards crumbling beneath me, bringing me back down to earth,  waking me out of the dream I thought was my life.  You know that dream you have?  The one that you envision for yourself... you can see your future in your minds eye, connected to your present and you think all is right with the world and things are aligning so that your future will be realized?  Then POOF something happens and it all seems like it really was a dream?  You ask yourself questions like why and what was I thinking.... then you think... don't I deserve better than this?  Shouldn't I be cherished?  loved? respected? listened to?  Don't we all deserve these things?  But what do you do when your dream says one thing and reality is showing you something different?  I need to find wisdom but I am afraid.  Bertrand Russell says, "To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom."  The key is learning how to conquer the fear.  



Alicia said...

Sounds like you're in a scary place. Thinking of you and wishing you peace.

Barbara said...

Thanks Alicia. I am in a bit of a scary place on many different levels. I am thankful for my health and the health of my family and the support of friends near and far. It means a great deal.


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