Saturday, December 26, 2009

Things I Know

So many have told me....

"He's in a better place."

"He isn't suffering."

"He is with your Mum."

"He is safe."

"He is better off."

"He is with God and all of his family."

"He went quickly, it could have been worse, you could have watched him linger."

"It's part of life."

I know that people have good intentions when they say these things. I believe all of these things to be true. I have said these words in the past. I won't say them in the future.

Even though I know these things in my mind. In my heart there is no acceptance. I ache for one more smile, one more story, one more laugh, one more twinkle of those bright blue eyes. My heart breaks and sometimes the tears come and I can't make them stop.

Why couldn't we have kept him with us just a little bit longer? Why do I have to miss him soooo? Why is it so hard? Why does it feel like I am the only one who feels this way about him?

Why does my heart not understand what my mind knows too well?

Why please tell me why?



Alicia said...

People say these things because they have not experienced loss. Because they really don't understand how utterly useless -- if not downright painful and infuriating -- those words are.

As for why ... there is no Why, my friend. There is only Time. Time inexorable. Time immutable. Time eternal.

I wish you peace.

Barbara said...

Thanks Alicia. Your words are a comfort. Peace - it would be good right about now.

Ann said...

You feel this way because this is how grief is. Even though the words seem empty and meaningless to you, I am very glad there are people who love you, who are around you to say these words. I do hope that by the time you read my words, you are in a place of greater acceptance, even though there probably is and will always be some sadness. Your grief was so very new and raw in this post. When grief is raw, words of comfort don't do much good. It's hugs and just "being there" that are the only things that help a little.

Barbara said...

Thanks Ann. You are so right in the description of my grief at the time when I wrote this post. Raw truly describes it. I am feeling a bit better now although I have my moments. It seems to have transformed into a sense of longing and missing his physical presence in my live even though I know he is in a better place. I can't help missing him as he was such a good natured person who was enjoyable to be around.

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