Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Lost and Found

Often times I find my best ideas for posts or school newsletters when I am just being... in the car, in the shower or even lounging in bed.  So it was for the post I'm about to share.  I wrote this in my tiny journal the day we were heading home from vacation and I'm going to share it here just as it is in my journal.

             Well I'm on my way home from an amazing week.  I am so proud of myself for moving out of my comfort zone.  I think this was perhaps one of the best things I have ever done for myself or my daughter.  Going away-the girls-was huge.  I missed being home; my computer, my puppy, my boys...but I feel a new kind of liberation.  I don't think R thought I'd really go. 
              You know for a very long time I have been searching for a connection- really since Mum passed.  I have searched and searched not really knowing what I was looking for.  All that searching can wear on a person especially when you are not clear on the end result.  I guess I was searching for a female connection.  I am so fortunate... blessed really to have strong beautiful connections with my friends, especially my best friend C.  That is a different kind of connection though and in the back of my mind something was missing...lost.  When I had the opportunity to go away with my sisters I realized what I had been searching for had always been my relationship with them...my sisters.  I have always wanted more of a relationship with them but something had always held us back.  I think for me it was in my own mind... a sense of loyalty that lead to worry.  Subconsciously I must have I thought that if I had more of a relationship with my sisters that somehow it would diminish or hurt my relationship with my parents and perhaps bring them some kind of sadness.  Now that some time has passed since Dad's death the time is right to begin again.  To every ending there is a beginning.  I am so thrilled that my sisters feel the same way.  I think that our Dad and my Mum are smiling down on us so happy and proud that we have found one another.  The time we spent together just felt right. 

It is truly a blessing to be found.


No comments:

Related Posts with Thumbnails