Friday, April 16, 2010

From Daily Om

Sometimes you get what you need.

Earlier today I called our local Hospice looking for information regarding grief counseling for 'n' and maybe me too. After leaving a message on voice mail I walked down to get the mail. Well in the mail was a letter from the woman for whom I just left a message. The first lines read "Though some months have passed, you and your family have not been forgotten by all of us here at Cranberry Hospice. .... " Boy did I need to hear that.

Then just minutes ago I opened this message from my Daily Om subscription. I don't always open their emails but I think I was meant to read this particular piece.

Sometimes you get what you need. This in itself is reassuring.

April 16, 2010

Burdensome Feelings
Blaming Others

Blaming sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward and puts resolution in the hands of others.

As we begin to truly understand that the world outside of us is a reflection of the world inside of us, we may feel confused about who is to blame for the problems in our lives. If we had a difficult childhood, we may wonder how we can take responsibility for that, and in our current relationships, the same question arises. We all know that blaming others is the opposite of taking responsibility, but we may not understand how to take responsibility for things that we don’t truly feel responsible for. We may blame our parents for our low self-esteem, and we may blame our current partner for exacerbating it with their unconscious behavior. Objectively, this seems to make sense. After all, it is not our fault if our parents were irresponsible or unkind, and we are not to blame for our partner’s bad behavior.

Perhaps the problem lies with the activity of blaming. Whether we blame others or blame ourselves, there is something aggressive and unkind about it. It sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward under the burdensome feelings of shame and guilt that arise. It also puts the resolution of our pain in the hands of someone other than us. Ultimately, we cannot insist that someone else take responsibility for their actions; only they can make that choice when they are ready. In the meantime, if we want to move forward with our lives instead of waiting around for something that may or may not happen, we begin to see the wisdom of taking the situation into our own hands.

We do this by forgiving our parents, even if they have not asked for our forgiveness, so that we can be free. We end the abusive relationship with our partner, who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs committed against us in the hands of the universe, releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame.


C said...

Thinking of you...

Hope you're doing okay. You're right about sometimes getting what you need. I often find that at times when I really *need* something (like encouragement, a pick me up, some positive energy, understanding), it comes when I least expect it...but need it the most.

Your post about blame is so very thought provoking...and true.

Big hugs from Canada xo

Barbara said...

Thanks C. I'm taking it day by day. We're on spring school vacation so a week off will be nice. I think I'll try to fit in some long walks and maybe a little meditation. (if the kids will let me)

Hugs are always good.


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