Thinking

So I recently read an article from Daily Om and have found it haunting my thoughts.  Entitled Actively Participating, this article focuses on being an active part of your own life.   The article begins: Showing up for your life means actively participating in our own life rather than hiding and going through the motions.   This statement has stuck with me all day.  I don't think that I hide from life but there are definite times when I'm not actively participating.  I'm not sure if that lack of participation comes from a place of insecurity or a sense of feeling uncomfortable in certain circumstances and situations.  Today for instance, I drove n to a birthday party. I found myself feeling uncertain as I walked into the situation.  I don't think n noticed but when I left I thought about my interactions and felt as if I could have been more engaged with the other Mom's in the room.  Perhaps this article has me leaning on the more critical side but I do see a lack of participation or perhaps a willingness to sit back and let things happen around me.  This is also a trait that runs in my family to some extent.   The women in my family, my mother and her sisters were all kind, sweet, soft spoken and demure.  I never remember seeing any of them react in a pushy way to any kind of stimuli.  I guess I follow in this pattern.  Is this a bad thing?  No not in all situations, however there are times when I should be more forward.  Another instance from today comes to mind.  At Target n and I were waiting to be helped in electronics and as we stood, waiting patiently another pushy woman walked right in front of us and interrupted the clerk who was helping another family.  He ended up calling someone to come to help in the department.  I have to say that I was thoroughly annoyed by the situation.  As annoyed as I was at the pushy woman I was equally disturbed with my own actions or lack there of in the situation.  I guess I was just going through the motions rather than taking charge of the situation.  I dislike that about myself.  Sometimes I think I am just way too much of a nice guy/pushover!  I am going to try to be better about taking action, actively participating and making things happen in my life.  I want to show up and teach my children how to do the same.  

Peace!