Monday, March 15, 2010

Workings of a Mind....

I guess my mind has been processing things without my knowledge or permission for that matter! I have been having CRAZY dreams and lots of sensory memories and remembrances over the last week.

So in one of my more recent dreams I found myself in the middle of a terribly windy rainy storm over at my parents home, my childhood home. I believe I was seeking shelter from the storm. When I went into the house it was dark and I could feel the wind shaking the house. Both of my parents were in my dream. They were each hunkered down in the living room. I believe they were both sleeping. Although I do have a slight memory of speaking to them in my dream. I am unclear of what our interactions were in this particular dream. I heard noise in one of the back bedrooms and there was a little boy who looked like my son N. I think the little boy was supposed to be my brother. I remember peaking into the room and it looked like the boy was surfing on the bed. Strange. Another odd thing about the dream was that the access to the attic was in the living room rather than in the back room. For some odd dreamy reason I picked the middle of this nasty storm to put up a ladder and check the attic. No idea why as I have always disliked that attic. At this point I remember that I could feel the house shaking violently. So much so that I was afraid. I was so afraid that I woke myself up from the dream. My heart was pounding!

My most recent dream took place last night. It was even more scary than the dream I just described. When I first woke from the dream the memory was very vivid. I should have taken the time to record my thoughts this morning but I didn't. Anyway the jist of the dream was that I was being chased by bad guys. I remember I wasn't alone. I seemed to be in charge of younger people, maybe children but I'm not sure. I certainly felt responsible for keeping the others safe. When the bad guys continued to chase me I became so afraid that I forced myself to wake up. Again my heart was pounding and I was truly frightened by this dream, so much so that I woke R. He had to hold my hand so that I could go back to sleep!

I was quite troubled by last night's dream as it is not the first 'chasing' dream that I have experienced lately. I did a little research and found the information quite fitting. This is just a bit of the information I found:
In general, chasing dreams signify some sort of anxiety, fear, or feeling of entrapment in daily life, such as a stressful job or unhappy marriage. Chasing dreams are literally "fight or flight" situations where you choose "flight." These dreams don't occur if you have faced and dealt with whatever it is you fear during waking hours.

I see this dream fitting more into the anxiety I have over selling Dad's home and settling all of his affairs. No stress in that process...nope not one bit!

On top of these dreams I've been having some interesting sensory experiences. 'n' and I were talking about makeup the other day and the various escapades she had gotten into when she was little including scooping out all of my brow teck wax and spreading it all over her face and the bathroom. I shared with her how I would take my Mum's lipsticks and twist them up into the cap. I then had the most vivid memory of this blush she used that was in a thick tube. I could picture it in my mind and I could smell the distinct fruity scent of this makeup. Such a great memory. Later in the weekend we were driving in the car and again the conversation was about make up and I had this memory of the Pond's cold cream that she used when I was small. I could almost feel the creamy texture of this cleansing cream. I am totally going to buy some next time I go to CVS. It's funny how your mind works. So continuing with the sensory experiences tonight we had a sirloin roast that was tied with butchers string, roasted potatoes, salad and corn. The meal completely took me back to Sunday dinners at my Mums. My brother and I used to bicker over the butchers string. We would chew on it and enjoy all the delicious bits of meat and garlic that would have coated the string in the cooking process. Wow what a blast from the past. I have had a lot of memories that involve the sense of smell and taste. Today I added the sense of hearing to the mix. n figured out how to access the messages from our comcast telephone service. The first message was one from Dad! It rocked her world a little bit to hear his voice but I think she was happy to have found this treasure. After Dad passed away I realized that I had erased all the old messages on our regular answering machine. I am so happy that I can dial into my message center and hear his voice. Such a gift.

Now if only my subconscious mind would take a break from processing for a couple of nights so I could get some much needed rest.


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