Tuesday, January 5, 2010
One month ago today Dad passed away. I can't believe that it has only been a month. It feels like such a very long time. Over the past week I have had several dreams about Dad. In the dreams he seems so alive, right there, like I could reach out and hug him. Dreams can be so cruel. In ten days it will be nine years since Mum died. She has been in my dreams too. The last dream I had they were together. It was comforting. It's interesting that in my dreams they are not young, they are as they were when they were last together in life. I do miss them both so much but life must continue. It is a different life. It will take time become accustomed to this new life. I am here; alive, breathing, thinking, doing. I know they would want me to live. How to do that without feeling guilty is the question. The guilt is not a survivor's type of guilt. It is the kind of guilt you get when you are enjoying yourself and then remember that your loved one is gone..... It is all very complicated.