Friday, January 18, 2008

Happy and Sad!

So I did not think that I would be posting again so soon but here I am.

The children at my school had today off so that the teachers could spend the day conducting overdue meetings, working on portfolios and planning and organizing for the next several weeks. The day was productive. We had general and individual meetings and enjoyed a lovely lunch provided by a new catering company. The food was delicious and we have enjoyed other luncheons prepared by this company and they have been equally as good. The web site is . Anyway in one of the meeting I was asked if I had any interest in taking on more responsibility at our school. This is something that I have pictured myself doing however I was unsure if things would progress in this way. I was honored to be asked as I have the utmost respect for my colleagues and truly believe in their vision. So here comes the happy/sad part. As I left school today my first impulse was to call my Mom to tell her about my exciting conversation. Well , we just passed the 7th anniversary of my Mom's death on the 15th of this month. The urge I felt was so strong! As I drove home I didn't think about it much as I had to pick up the kids at school. When I was home and settled and had shared the news with R I had an incredible sense of sadness. This was a big conversation that took place today and all I wanted to do was share it with Mom. I have not felt so lost and so unconnected as I did today for a very long time. What makes this lost feeling even more intense for me is that her 'anniversary' almost went unnoticed. The evening of the 15th N didn't feel well so we went downstairs to get some children's Tylenol. I had to search through the medicine cabinet before I could find what I was looking for and during my search in the back of the cabinet I found a bottle of bath oil that belonged to my Mom. I took it out and showed it to N. I told him how when I was young my Mom would use the oil in her bath when she would get ready to go out and with the hot water and steam the scent would fill the house. I opened the bottle and it didn't smell as I remembered; as old as this bath oil is I was not surprised. I decided to try filling the bathroom sink up with hot steamy water like a tiny bath tub and I added a few drops of the oil. It only took a minute for the scent to fill the air! I ran my hands through the water and basked in the sensory memory I was experiencing! It brought me back to when I was a little girl. It brought me back to my Mom. I had N smell my hands. He liked the smell. Suddenly I asked N what the date was and he told my that it was January 15th. I couldn't believe that the entire day had passed without a conscious realization of the significance of the day! So N's random illness; was it random or something else? I choose to believe it was something else!


Judy said...

Just stopped by to say hello and see what you were up to. Your experience about your Mom was quite interesting.......the whole bath oil thing intrigued me. My Mom, who will be 91 in May, is no longer "my Mom". While she appears to be with it mentally, I often experience that need to tell her my joys and it's like telling someone who doesn't even know me. Her social skills have pretty much left her, and she is very self-centered, like a small child. Everyone who goes to visit her or talks to her on the phone, says she is in great mental shape, but she's just not the same. So, I know what you felt, even though I still have the "body" here on earth.

Warm hugs to you....and I'm rooting for the Pats too, since I'm from Mass!


Barbara said...

Thanks for saying Hello! I know the bath oil experience was so wild. It took me right back to my childhood.

I'm so sorry that you are having to manage such a change in your Mom. I know how hard it is to see someone whom you love turn into a different person in front of your eyes. It is similar to the experience I am going through with my Dad. It is a loss for sure.

Thanks for the hugs and I'm sending them right back to you with much understanding and compassion.


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