It is hard to believe that almost a week has gone by since the last time I posted. This past week was like a blur. The end of the year is upon us at school so we have been very busy. I spent the week preparing for end of the year conferences. I have 9 all together this time around and I am proud to say they are all typed and ready to be printed. When I sit and think about all that children learn in a school year I find it amazing. My own children will be moving on to the 1st and 3rd grades. 'n' will be venturing forth into the larger school community for the first time. She has been with me at the school in which I teach since she was in her car seat! At that time 'N' was in the preschool program there and I was a full time Mom. Since that time I have transitioned into a teaching position that I love and 'n' has gone through the 2-day, 3-day, 4-day and Kindergarten programs. She is ready to move on and I am certain that she will do well and be able to manage the situations that arise each day, BUT for me this is the end of an era. It is the transformation from having very young children to having school age children. Things will be different and I am very bad at change. Just thinking about her leaving the safe cocoon where she is close to me every day makes me teary. She had developed such strong relationships with all the women at our school. I don't think she will ever replicate these strong ties. She will always be able to come back, but it will be different. I know that every mother goes through this yet it doesn't make the process any easier. I love both of my children so much that just having them out in the world vulnerable makes me crazy. I fight the urge to keep them home and home school them, knowing that they need to be able to manage in the bigger world. I can't make it safe for them but I can give them the tools to keep themselves safe. I am fortunate to work with a group of women who have gone through this before and will be sympathetic and supportive as I try to manage my own emotions as we go through this transition.
Well this post went in a different direction than I intended, but I feel a bit better having put my feelings to paper so to speak.